i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
