Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
