I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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