And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
