two words: eviction party
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
