I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
