Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
