i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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