herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
