she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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