There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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