He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
