whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
