I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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