i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
