stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
