I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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