I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Michael Bay diarrhea
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
