I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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