Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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