yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
