Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
