..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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