so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
