So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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