I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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