Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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