he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
