just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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