Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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