He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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