Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
