Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
