I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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