Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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