I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
we're so committed to being not committed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
