when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
