Dual....:-)
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
