Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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