If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
