Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
