She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize