Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
