it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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