I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
