M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
