oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
