ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
