dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
