You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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