My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
