Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my sisters under your porch take her home
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
