Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
