I think i sorta joined a cult last night
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
a search helicopter?!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
