when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
