Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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