Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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