please come you make the beer taste better
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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