Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize