I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
