to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
