my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize