college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
