i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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