I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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