he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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