i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
