god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
