Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
