I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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