so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
