i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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