I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
