I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
